A Meeting of Minds_Bigfoot in the Leaves_And The Award Goes To…_The Lawn Goodbye
Catalog Guide:
A Meeting of Minds
(T/W Sexual Content, Profanity)My eyelids weigh heavily as a talking head wearing a wrinkle-free pantsuit sits at the front end of the boardroom table, purging a steady stream of the industry’s latest buzzwords. I now secretly refer to this person as “The Head” to keep my relationship with her and her horrible business-minded enthusiasm as detached as possible. When her mantras are uttered, their motivational intents have the complete opposite effect on me. My anger builds, and I find myself sarcastically thinking, I’d like to use this group’s synergy to think outside of the box to develop ...
Bigfoot in the Leaves
Bigfoot begged me not to say anything.“I’ll just stay right here,” he said, tugging the leaves back over himself, “You can carry on raking the rest of the yard. This never happened, ma’am. Nothing to see here.”Before Henry left, I never raked leaves. Henry took care of the yard and I took care of the house and the cars. Henry couldn’t change the oil or unclog a sink, but I wouldn’t know what to do with a lawnmower if you gave me a six-week course in cutting grass. When the leaves fell in the Fall, it was Henry’s job to go out and rake the leaves into neat piles our daughter could jump into ove...
And The Award Goes To…
“Welcome to the 100th Academy Awards!”Oh Jesus, what the fuck are these crappy seats? Keep smiling girl, don’t let them see your fury. You’ll be outta here in two hours tops. Although it was four hours last year but I was just a scummy plus one then so could get fuckin’ wasted. Great! There’s a camera guy right in front of me meaning I have to be on my super best behaviour, I should practice my rictus grin before they cut to me in the live show. Oh God, here comes the host, I threw water over him last time I was on his talk show. Such a creepy guy, no one talks about his jail time for that th...
The Lawn Goodbye
It turned up like a wooly mammoth in the last snowdrift of spring. Had I not been a teen biology geek, I would have raked it into a 39-gallon bag, dumped it at the gutter in front of Shih Tzu’s Mom’s house, and thought no more off it until the city “sucker” crew rumbled along on its seemingly random schedule.This was the last “harvest” of 2022, brought on by a half-week of high winds which according to Channel 25’s buzzkill meteorologist would become a far more frequent phenomenon because petrochemicals, deforestation, and ice caps. Sarah had deforested two yearwww.onedoor.ccs before, after our backyard map...