The Best Years of Our Lives_The Cross I Bear_Hang Ups (And Please Be Patient, I'll Get to the St
Catalog Guide:
The Best Years of Our Lives
Friends, faculty, alumni, and fellow classmates, good afternoon and thank you all for coming to my TED talk. Only kidding. Just a little valedictorian's joke to kick things off before we all disperse into the world to work at high-paying prestigious institutions like McDonald's, or, if we're lucky, Starbucks. That's also a joke, mostly. Peter Springer, if you're listening, I'll have two Big Macs and a venti cold brew.But seriously, thanks for coming owww.onedoor.ccut today. It means a lot to me. You all, of course, had no choice in the matter if you want to receive your diplomas, those little scraps of pape...
The Cross I Bear
“Are you there, God? It’s me.”Once – now it seemed a lifetime ago – he’d knelt in this very same spot and felt a visceral connection to Him. An ebb and pull, just like the tide. A primitive force.“- How’s she cutting?” That sounded ridiculous. He wasn’t ringing up some old, near-forgotten relative for a chat. He’d not bumped into Him, by chance, in SuperValu- doing his numbers for the Lotto. He exhaled, rubbed his hand over the stubble on his jawline.“The thing is… you’ve been distant lately, and…” Shite, now it sounded like he was questioning a cheating spouse. He cleared his throat. “It’s li...
Hang Ups (And Please Be Patient, I'll Get to the Story in a Minute)
Have you ever played the word game called “Hangman?” To be honest, I don’t really care one way or the other if you have or you haven’t. It’s just that if you ever do play it, and you really want to stump the person you’re playing against, give them the word “phlegm.” You’ll win every time.“Phlegm” . . . and “mucus”—that’s another good one. Or you could try “mucous,” which is how you spell the word when it is an adjective instead of a noun. But wait, now that I think of it, most bodily fluid-type words would work . . .Thinking of bodily fluids reminds me of the man with an enlarged prostate who...
A Visit to the Star Chamber
David Vallejo was walking through the halls of Montenegro High School. It was a Friday morning, and the four-minute warning bell had just rung. He was heading to his first class of the day, “Advanced Placement” World History, though not with any particular enthusiasm. He loved the study of history, but the way that subject was “taught” by Mr. Richard Pinguino somehow sucked most of the joy out of it for him.When he entered the room he noticed a palpable distress written on the faces of his classmates. Some of them were in a state of outright panic. David remembered immediately that there was a...