Bill_Pants are Optional_Chocolate Heart_Bunny Boiler
Catalog Guide:
Bill
“Grow up, kids” Mom said, her soapy hands on her hips. She had been doing dishes in the stained avocado green sink. “Mary, quit hassling your brother. Shawn, quit making fun of her hair. It’s perfectly lovely the way it is.” I ran my fingers through my shoulder length blonde hair. Mom continued, “Now both of you kids out of the kitchen before I make you finish the dishes.” She turned back to the sink, her apron strings flapping behind her.We scattered out of the kitchen. Shawn went to his room in the basement with a stack of comic bookies. And I changed into a tank top and shorts, then went ou...
Pants are Optional
Be honest with yourself; you have a problem. You spent all those years saving and planning and preparing for the moment when, come that first Monday morning, you could ignore the hour and roll over and sleep until only your aching bones could force you from your bed. Now, you have nowhere to be. You can enjoy the sunrise from the patio chair on your back porch instead of squinting into it from the backed-up line of morning traffic. You can brew fresh coffee and drink it while it’s hot in a fragile, ceramic mug—a mug not intended for transport, a mug meant to be used while sitting still and c...
Chocolate Heart
It’s funny what can be found in old attics when you are a new homeowner and especially in the attics of really old homes. There could be rags or riches… Gold or garbage but what there would always be an abundance of memories. I was recently porced and had decided to move to the country, in the attempt to leave a horrid part of my past behind. My ex-wife and I didn’t have any children, unless you counted the evil chihuahua that never liked me. They say that dogs are good judges of people, but I think that worked the other way around as well, as the hell-hound was her master’s minion.The house I...
Bunny Boiler
I take my news like I take my tequila—shoot the bitter news down first, then chase it with the good part, fresh lime juice, before the burning sensation takes hold.This time, though, I don’t know which order to take them in. When Dr. Burberry asks me if I want the good news or the bad news first, I simply don’t understand. How can a paternity test yield both good and bad news? I’m either, A, the father, or B (and please, God, let it be answer B), not the father. There is no all of the above. “I just want the result,” I tell her matter-of-factly. “Please tell me I’m not the father.”Dr. Burberry...