Broken Hearts and Baronets_Exact Change Only_Double Minus_Happy New Year's to Me
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Broken Hearts and Baronets
Henry Davenport was broke. He’d frittered away most of the fortune his father had left him – wine, women and cards were expensive hobbies – and was down to his last few hundreds.“You need a rich wife, Harry,” Josiah remarked as they cantered through the forest one fine autumn afternoon. “A girl with enough money to keep you in the manner to which you’re accustomed.”Henry nudged Lady’s reins gently. The mare was spirited, but he managed to let her know who was in charge. Women were a lot like horses: once you’d broken them in, you could easily steer them in the direction you wanted.“There’s a b...
Exact Change Only
“The hour of the proletariat is upon us brothers and sisters,” announced the silver-haired speaker standing on his box platform. “Never before has the working man had so much weight behind his advance toward equality…”“Wot’d he say?”“He’s explaining Marxist philosophy, Grandad. Saying how the bourgeoisie class has had their day in the sun.”“This is fucking England, Tommo. Nothin but bloody rain all the time. If his bourgeoisie have had their day in the sun, it was probably on a business trip to fuckin’ Corfu.”Contradictory to Reggie Harris’ comment; accompanied by his grandson, Tom, the two me...
Double Minus
“Jesus Hannah, You’re looking fat” Jakob comments as he passes her in the lift. “You what?” She replies with appalled shock. Suddenly, to break the silence, he pushes out a forced laugh, to gesture as if he was joking. He signs to her that she is looking better than fine in-fact. Hannah laughs with recognition to his supposed joke, as the lift doors closed abruptly on her, eliminating the awkwww.onedoor.ccwardness. ‘Poor Hannah’, Jakob thought to himself, he actually believed post pregnancy had gone well for her body. He slaps himself with irritation, how could he be so stupid to say that. Some mornings tak...
Happy New Year's to Me
December 31st.My New Year’s resolution: To get in shape. A classic. What better way to start the new year than by taking life by the horns and improving oneself? I’m going to put on a tight pair of shorts and a t-shirt from a 5K I ran a decade ago and charge into the gym like a firefighter arriving at the scene of a fire. I can imagine it now. A bunch of sweaty meatheads grunting while they stand around on those rubbery floor mats. A half dozen or so new year’s resolutionists like me trying to look like we know what we are doing as we inspect these medieval torture contraptions. They are all c...