Cocaine Blues_Wally's Water World_Return to Sender_ You're Just So Intolerant
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Cocaine Blues
WARNING: Almost certainly contains the abuse and misuse of commas. (Sorry Deidra)Luckily, I’m not cursed by an irrational desire to justify my decisions. I know when I’m right. Which, I’m not ashamed to say, is always.It was so tiny when it finally came. It often is. Most people in the room, I assume, would have been oblivious to it. Not me. One might be forgiven for assuming it would be a dramatic, more obvious detail that convinced me. As always, I had to be patient. It’s rather a crude expression, but I always trust my guts. They’ve not been wrong yet. On entering the soiree, Quinten caught...
Wally's Water World
Content warning: Swearing"I know it's your first day on the job and all, but don't worry, man. You're gonna do great. Trust me. We're happy to have you here at Wally's Water World.""Thanks. I'm happy to be here.""Great!""I gotta tell you the truth, though. I only applied because my mom told me she would kick me out if I didn't get a job. She said thirty-five is too old to be unemployed.""That's great too. Exactly the type of can-do, highly motivated, problem-solving attitude we're looking for at Wally's Water World. Glad to have another member of the family joining us.""Well, I'm glad to be of...
Return to Sender
Content warning: Some swearingDear Ms. Huxley,Listen carefully. Well, I guess you can't very well listen to a missive, can you?Read carefully.This is a ransom note.I have your son. Don't believe me? Then how would I know he's five years old, skinny as a Twizzler, his name is Timmy, and he never shuts the hell up?Oh, sorry. Five and a half.As for how I got ahold of him, let me say this: Maybe you should consider choosing a better preschool.I mean, I didn't have to show my ID or anything. Just pointed to the kid I wanted and popped open my passenger door and the old lady practically launched him...
You're Just So Intolerant
Content warning: this story contains allergens!"I've thought about it, and it's chocolate.""Well that sounds good to me. Thought about what?""What you asked me earlier. Chocolate, it's a universal panacea.""I didn't ask 'what?' is a universal panacea. I askwww.onedoor.cced 'what is?' a universal panacea. It's all in the inflection and the emphasis.""Oh, well you obviously inflected in the wrong place. That's so you. Nice pyjamas by the way. Are you comfy?""Yes, thanks. I could have slept on the air-bed, I didn't mind. I like your jimjams too, cute little bears. So what is it then?""I'm so glad you asked. It...